So..Last journal entry Jan 22 2008. Ahem.

If you are depressed don't read this.

I'm in Reykjavik right now, waiting for an earthquake. That's sounds cooler than it should . And what's most important: I'm happy. I've reached my life goal. Or actually I keep reaching it every morning. Sometimes I fail too, but not very often. I'd say..since February, things have been pretty great all the time. And especially this last month (although Iceland is not the wonderland everybody expects it to be. A lot of racism here , but, you know, it's like this everywhere). I really feel like I have no right not to be happy, I mean things are fucking great! Of course, being an egoist helps too. But, I mean, I can know that there's a lot of shit in the world and we're all doomed etc. and still be happy.
Yeah, I guess the key is egoism. No one else really matters anyway, or nothing else. In the grand plan it doesn't matter what I achieve, what I learn or accomplish, what universities I graduate from, if I get to be in a history book or not. None of this matters. Of course I'm still a social creature so helping people I love is still something I would do gladly (and what makes me happy, so basically it's still egoism). But the truth is I probably won't go out of my way to help people. I will definitely avoid hurting them, so that's pretty good, eh? So I won't be a social worker or anything. I might do stuff to help the planet (I've never been that big on people anyway). And maybe my artwork will help people in some way or I can just do good things on my path. But my ultimate goal concern's only my happiness (which is dependent on the happiness of the people I love).
As I mentioned abowe I have no right to be unhappy, that would be like ... I don't know.. Very ungrateful. My family is healthy and content (as far as I know), so are my friends (as much as young people these days can be), I have good health and some willpower if I need it, I have enough money, I have some talents, that at least have potential if nothing else, I have ambitions and goals (that I do not stress over but that just interest me in a healhy and exiting manner) and I mean life is just fucking GREAT! Really it is, I'm amazed by it every day. And I don't feel as if now I'm some boring person who will go nowhere in life. I feel like I'll be a happy hippie until old age doing some strange sculptures with rocks and trees. I am so happy . This word is too small for this.

So. I've been in Iceland for a month, mostly it's been great and amazing and I've met tons of wonderful people, interesting people, beautiful people and the combinations of the three. Almost fell in love, enough to feel good, but not get hurt. Saw some really funny cats; laughed waaay too much over a stupid logo; hitchhiked and met a really funny guy (also I hated all the motherfuckers who didn't pick me up); hiked and felt unexpected elation when I got to my destination; hiked in the light night in the silence and felt some indescribable things; been kind of scared of the mountains and fell in love with the ocean; THE SHEEP (!!!!); slept in some pretty strange places, I guess the bench was the most normal one of those; cried when I saw a whale (yup, that really happened); missed my friends; been really really cold (as in temperature) (although I only got a cold (as in sickness) yesterday); found a place I wish I had been born and where I wish I will die (or that my ashes are thrown into the sea there); walked in the night listening to Sigur Ros (that was very peaceful and out-of-this-world experience); met people who I liked from the very first moment I saw them; eaten some pretty damn good food (and not so good, too); swam naked in a crater lake in front of a bunch of tourists wearing swimsuits (that was awesome ); was impressed by the desert; hitchhiked in the night and actually got a ride; did my first independent art project which was fun and educating at the same time... Plus all the little moments between the little moments and the ones between those... So I guess now you understand the happiness thing. Which actually started before, but it's been easier here.
I've never been this enthusiastic about life before. I can't wait to learn more and be more, especially when concerning art. I want to read some books and see some art and talk to artists and what's most important DO SOMETHING! And it's not as difficult as it seems! Yay!!! So I'm really looking foward to life while being really happy with the moment that I have now. I'd call it perfection, but I'm a bit scared to do that so I'll say that it's pretty damn near it.
One day I'll be surprised when reading this entry that I was ever so happy, but then I'll know that it's possible and work harder to get here again.

So this was my weird middle-class being content/hippie happiness/I'm-an-egoist-who-only-cares-about-herself/rant about how beautiful life is/*make a title up yourself* post. Depending on how you like to look at it.

Anyway, I'm happy and so should you! Unless something really shitty is happening in your life right now, in that case, I'm sorry, *hug* (I'm an egoist, but I can still sympathize).

Now I'll go to sleep with a smile on my face (and wake up groggy and slightly grumpy so I can develop into happiness again by evening).
Live long and prosper!





I'm obviously not doing a good job ending this entry.







I hope someone will comment. Maybe Sfinx will, he's reliable like that.
Now I feel slightly weird for mentioning him. Hmm. Well, cheers, Sfinx, if you are reading this . Hope you are well.